‘Unfortunately, these do not represent passing scores in either paper.’
- Allison Sheardy
- Sep 19
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 10
Another year, another polite email from the IMW letting me know that I have not been successful in my June exams. While this wasn’t a surprise, it was still disappointing. Of course, there’s a small part of me that hopes I’m underestimating myself and that I did better than I think. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case this time. I expected to fail both sections, but I was surprised by some of the individual papers. The ones I excelled in during 2024 turned out to be my downfall this year. I consistently perform well on Paper 2 for practical (red wines) and on P5 (contemporary issues) for theory. Overall, I did slightly worse this year than last, which upsets me more than anything. I had hoped to show some progress. Last year, after receiving the results, I felt bummed but motivated. This year, I’m at a bit of a loss.
Facing Disappointment
Baring my soul here—I’m devastated. This has been incredibly challenging, and failing is disheartening. Deep down, I know I have the skills needed to succeed, yet I’m struggling to bring that forward. I started off strong in the program and had some immediate success, but it has been downhill from there. My ego is bruised. I’m mad at myself for not trying harder and for not being honest with myself. I contemplated deferring the exam last spring, but I ended up just going through the motions, and that shows in the results. I keep comparing my first year in the program to the last two, and that probably needs to stop. My life changed a lot in the last 18 months, and I am struggling to adjust to these changes.
Talking with my fellow taste bud Janet, I conveyed my fear that by mentioning these struggles, I was making excuses. I don’t want to do that—I want to be fully accountable for my actions and the failure they resulted in. Janet kindly reminded me that there’s a difference between excuses and reasons. She advised me to give myself some grace, considering all that has been going on. I’m still trying to remind myself of that.
What I Did Well, What Needs Work
Every year in the MW program brings its unique wins and challenges.
Small Wins
I attended seminars, completed practice assignments, did some extra tastings with a local MW, and signed up for online courses in the spring. So, it’s not like I did nothing to prepare. I also met consistently with my taste buds, although those meetings became more about support than actual, actionable study sessions.
Areas for Improvement
However, I acknowledged that throughout the academic year, I didn’t feel like I was doing enough to prepare. I didn’t really address the issue. Honestly, I’m a bit stuck on this. Moving forward, I need to change my study plan, but I’m not sure how. I didn’t taste as often or broadly as I needed to. I bailed on course days again, mostly due to time and financial constraints, which simply can’t be an excuse in the MW program. I received feedback on my practice assignments, but I didn’t go through it with a fine-toothed comb or reattempt the assignments with the new information I’d been given. I didn’t put enough effort into gathering examples, which I think is a big part of what would push some of these Cs and C+s to Bs. I wasn’t honest with myself about my boundaries. I managed my time and energy poorly.
Options Moving Forward
Where do I go from here? The MW program allows students to defer once, keeping their place in the program while sitting out a year. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been planning to defer this year, regardless of the results. I feel like I need a break, both in terms of time and finances. I don’t have much annual PTO, and for the last three years, the MW has consumed all of it (seminars, course days, exam week, and so forth). This year, I have plans to go to Hawaii over Christmas and travel with Danielle in the spring.
I’m frustrated at the thought of continuing to sink $10,000+ into this with no progress. I think about doing TAMS or attending seminars, and my stomach sinks. Students have three attempts to pass either practical or theory before they must completely start over. Doing the math makes my next attempt feel like a high-pressure situation. I want to enter the next year with a strong study plan and a high level of motivation and commitment, ready to pass this thing. Yet, I also worry about falling further behind, which has me in knots. I’m not the world’s most patient person, and not taking the exam again until June 2027 stresses me out. The competitive part of me is eager to prove (mostly to myself) that I can do this.
To move forward, I feel like I’m missing a few key pieces. A big one is a mentor. Many MW students have close relationships with current MWs—people cheering them on and providing advice and feedback. I don’t have that, and I’m unsure how to go about finding it. I also need to continue focusing on mind/body balance.
Pros and Cons of Deferring
Pros
Maintain any momentum I have left from last year.
Utilize the feeling of wanting to prove myself and turn that into motivation.
You never know—this could be my year.
Maintain important social and professional relationships.
Potential travel opportunities.
The satisfaction of trying.
Not giving up.
Cons
The time commitment.
The financial expense.
The stress and toll on my mental health.
The drain on energy and other resources.
Lack of a strong study plan.
I didn’t prepare to be in the program this year in terms of savings, time management, or emotional/mental readiness.
Pushing myself could be a pro or a con, depending on how it goes.
I honestly don’t know which way I’m going to go—it changes daily. I’ll keep you updated!
Also, a quick moment to say congrats to those who did see success this go-around, including a fellow taste bud—what an amazing accomplishment!
Currently listening to: The National (good wallowing music)
Currently drinking: Chianti Classico Gran Selezione, as I prepare for the VIA program at Vinitaly in Chicago next month (another topic for another time...)
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